Election 2012

With about nine weeks left until the election, it seems that Republicans and Democrats are pretty evenly split on their choice of candidates. Of course, this depends on which polls and media outlets you follow. I'm an Independent voter and have never understood the rationale behind voting a straight party ticket. After all, doesn't each side have some clunkers that shouldn't be in office? Some will say that's just politics and you have to take the bad with the good. I say, "Bullcrap!" That's why I like to elect candidates from both parties, who have the ability to reach across the aisle and negotiate, compromise, and get things done.

Regardless of which candidate or party you support, I don't think I've ever seen the country more divided than it is today. Our ideology is like daylight and dark, heads or tails, black and white, and so on. So, now the consensus is that the Independents, or swing voters, will decide the election. These are called the undecided. Undecided? Are you kidding me? Is this mysterious group of people aliens, who just landed on earth, or maybe people who just woke up from being in a coma for years? Perhaps these are the ones you see at the grocery store just standing in the cereal aisle like zombies, unable to make a decision on which one to buy. Or, maybe they're the ones sitting in their recliners with television remote in hand, flipping the guide to try to decide what to watch. When they finally do make a decision, there's only ten minutes left of a one-hour program.

So, the fate of the country lies in the hands of voters who can't make a decision. They're just like the politicians who are now in office. Isn't this the reason our country is in a mess in the first place? These voters may be waiting on the outcome of the future debates of the candidates. You know, this is where intelligent questions are asked by the moderators such as "who is your favorite superhero?" or "what toppings do you like on your pizza?" Then maybe, just maybe, they will finally come to a sound decision of who they think is the best liar.

Get Out and Vote, or Maybe Not

Well, it's here...another election year and the political parasites are out in full force, invading our homes and our right to privacy. The robocalls and the smooth talkers are calling at all hours of the day and night, begging for our votes.

If you or I constantly made harassing phone calls to complete strangers, we would undoubtedly be arrested and put in jail. If they are lucky enough to get through to us without being hung up on, do they really think we're going to believe their B.S., be swayed to change our minds, or even remember their names by the time we get to our polling places?

Television ads are no different. They all make the same disparaging claims about their opponents, and even hire the same voice announcer to deliver their messages from different sides.

Yard signs are another waste of resources. If your neighbor down the street has a yard sign touting "Joe Blow," but you don't like the neighbor because he lets his dog run loose in the neighborhood, then "Joe Blow" is probably not going to get your vote.

A lot of people will blindly stumble into the voting booth and vote for a "Mike Smith" instead of someone named "Harold Halfwitt" only to find out later that "Mike Smith" was running on the Communist Neo-Nazi ticket.

Yes, it's our constitutional right and privilege to vote, even if we are completely uninformed about the candidates and totally stupid about their platform and political agenda. Then, we can sit back and bitch the next four years about what losers they are. Or, if we don't have a clue, we could do the country a service and just stay home on election day.

In all seriousness, make it a point to get informed about the candidates and what they stand for before casting your votes. It's not only a right and privilege, but your duty.

The Monkey Toy Book Giveaway

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The Monkey Toy

by Robert M. Roberts

Giveaway ends August 07, 2012.
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Living on the Sun

So far, this summer is turning out to be one heck of a hot one in the Ozarks! I know this isn't the only area of the country that is miserable, but it seems like the sun is parked right over my house and isn't moving!

We've had no rain to speak of, and the wind is like a fire-breathing dragon. It's hard for my air conditioner to keep up, and the needles on the electric meter are spinning like an airplane propeller. When I walk on my front lawn, it sounds like I'm walking on broken glass, and the grasshoppers seem as big as kangaroos. The handle on my front door is like grabbing a hot branding iron, and the sun coming in the windows from the west is like laser beams from "War of the Worlds."

I wish I had a swimming pool, but then I'd be griping about the water bill. I wish I had some shade trees, but I don't. I cut the ones down that I did have because I don't like to rake leaves, but I still get as about as many leaves as I used to from trees at the neighbors.

I'll be glad when winter comes. . .then I'll gripe about how cold it is!

Independence Day

In a few days it will be the 4th of July, a day to celebrate our independence from the British. Traditionally, it will also be a day of celebration for the Chinese, who will watch our hard earned money go up in smoke after purchasing their fireworks.

Ah, yes. There will be plenty of fireworks displays, alcohol, and cookouts. What could possibly go wrong? Naturally, there will probably be a few missing fingers, eyeballs, and charred skin, but I guess that is the price we Americans pay for what we call a good time. With the constant boom of explosions, our dear beloved pets will be cowering under the bed or will run off for days, and our poor war veterans will probably cringe at every boom and bang.

Why do we subject ourselves to such a frivolous orgy of booms and booze? Because we're Americans, and it's fun, that's why! And between the burgers and Budweisers, it might dawn on some of us the reason we're celebrating in the first place, but most will just be glad to have a Wednesday off work and an excellent excuse to eat and drink. After all, that's what our forefathers would have wanted, right?

I wonder if the Brits who are visiting at this time will celebrate our 4th of July? They may just keep a low profile. They're good blokes, so they probably don't care after 236 years anyway.


To the group of patriots who work the emergency rooms and the firemen who extinguish the "out-of-control" pyrotechnics, we salute you!

Have a safe and sober 4th of July!

*Book Giveaway Winner*

Congratulations to Susan in California for being the winner of a paperback copy of my latest book, "Souls of the Desert." The giveaway was sponsored by Goodreads.com. She was selected randomly by Goodreads from over 400 entries!

I appreciate all the interest in my book and would like to thank all who took the time to enter this giveaway.

"Souls of the Desert" Book Giveaway

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Souls of the Desert

by Robert M. Roberts

Giveaway ends June 08, 2012.
See the giveaway details at Goodreads.

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Free ebook: "Souls of the Desert" May 18-20 via Amazon

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"Souls of the Desert" Excerpt from Chapter 35

Saudi Arabia

The worst sandstorm in over thirty years hit the Rub’ al-Khali desert. The largest sand desert in the world with a single dune stretching for twenty five miles and measuring a hundred feet tall, was being dispersed by the winds, only to be reformed miles away. It was an ongoing process as the sand swirled miles up into the sky, blocking out the midday sun and turning it into twilight.

Bedouins, the desert people from the Bedu tribe, were used to the harsh conditions of the desert, but this storm was unusually cruel. Atop their camels, they sheltered their skin from the stinging sands with pieces of cloth and only left small openings for their eyes. The mighty beasts they rode were also covered with protective cloth over their heads to prevent breathing in of the sand and dust. The camels, referred to by Arabs as ships of the desert, navigated blindly and were only guided by the tugs from the hemp reins to keep them on course. The caravan moved at a slow pace and the knobby-kneed creatures sometimes stumbled as the sand piled up in front of them. After a few miles, the winds began to subside, and the sun started to lighten the desert.

They looked ahead through their facecloths and pulled on the reins to stop the camels. The winds became almost silent as they pulled their face cloths down for a better look. They turned their heads to one another, almost beckoning for agreement that they were all seeing the same thing. In front of them were human skeletons, unearthed from under the desert sand by the howling winds. As the intermittent gusts would come and go, the sand blew away and exposed more corpses, lots of corpses. As they moved forward and tried to avoid the piles of bones, it became clear that there were thousands of bodies scattered across the desert terrain, almost as far as the eye could see.

They chattered in their native tongue at the horror surrounding them, and were confused at the conditions of the bodies. They weren’t all skeletons. Some were in different stages of decomposition. The dry, hot climate had mummified some, and others looked like they had only been there a short while. They wondered how this could be. Who were these people, and how did they get here? Had there been a war and they didn’t know it? They were located hundreds of miles from civilization, and only small villages of nomadic tribes dotted this area of the desert. As the stench became overwhelming, they pressed on. They traveled miles before the odor of death finally blew away.

As darkness fell, they decided to camp for the evening. They set up their tents that were woven from goat’s hair. The camels huddled together for warmth as the night desert air became frigid. The women prepared flat bread made from flour and salt, while the men talked of the terrifying experience they had witnessed that day. No one could come up with a logical explanation. The answer seemed illusive, like a desert mirage.

To learn more or to purchase this book, click here

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Saint Valentine's Day Massacre

Well, guys, it's fast approaching. I'm talking about the dreaded date of February 14th. It taunts and smirks at me from the calendar like a demon waiting to pounce from the darkness of hell. It's unlike other yearly events such as birthdays and anniversaries. They are ingrained in our minds, especially if you've ever forgotten one and had to sleep on the sofa for weeks. Valentine's Day seems to hide and takes us by surprise every year, sending us into a panic of what to do that will redeem us for the crappy gift we bought our wife or girlfriend at Christmas.

It's like a silent killer. If a man gets busy and forgets about Valentine's Day, believe me, you'll hear about it on February 15th when all hell breaks loose. In my experience, a cheesy commercial about pink footed pajamas or bouquets of flowers usually reminds me of the upcoming event before it's too late. The finely tuned mind of a woman usually can tell that you didn't remember until the last minute. There may be tell-tale signs such as the 97 cent chocolate heart has a broken corner, or the valentine you gave her is handmade from scrap paper because you waited so late that the store was sold out of cards. While we're on the subject of cards, here's another tip. Don't purchase a humorous valentine because women don't have a sense of humor on this day. They want romance, so you can be a comedian on the other 364 days of the year.

This year is a little different than most. Out of the blue, my wife reminded me of the upcoming event and announced that she had found an expensive ring she liked. This news obviously spoiled my surprise of the 97 cent chocolate heart that I was planning to give her. She graciously offered that this purchase would also suffice for her birthday and anniversary gift. Wow! All three special days taken care of with one gift? That sounded pretty good until I became suspicious that selective memory on her part would probably rear it's ugly head as the birthday and anniversary dates approach.

This year, it looks like I've been stood up against a wall in a Chicago warehouse and mowed down by the Capone mob with tommy guns, just like in the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre. Ooohhh! They got me right in the wallet!

Pet Peeves

This week I decided to jot down a few of my pet peeves. I don't know why because it's been a good week. My health is good, I sold some books, and beer didn't take a price hike, although it seems like everything else at the grocery store did.

Let's face it. As humans, most of us have a unique way of dealing with the large problems that life throws at us from time to time, but it seems like it's always the small, mundane things that really piss me off! Here are just a few of them:

• People standing in the aisle of the grocery store gabbing and blocking everyone else from getting by.
• Having to peel off the unnecessary stickers that are on fruits and vegetables.
• Parents letting their children scream at the top of their lungs in public places.
• People at the grocery store checkout who are talking on an expensive cellphones, and their bodies are covered in pricey tattoos and body piercings, but they are paying with Food Stamps.
• My wife opens a bag of chips just enough to get her small munchkin hand in, but it's impossible for my man hand to retrieve any chips for myself.
• People who smack and chew gum that eventually ends up on the bottom of someone's shoe.
• Prisons that allow the inmates to lift weights, only to release them into society bigger and stronger than when they went in.
• Women's handbags. Items (example: car or door keys) go in, but are never seen or heard from again until months later.
• Rachel, the robo-caller from credit card services, informing me that this is the last courtesy call I will receive to get a lower interest rate. I begin to get a little irritated after receiving a thousand prior calls that woke me up from my afternoon nap.
• Stepping in dog poop in my yard, and I don't even own a dog.

These are just a few of the irritants that invade my everyday life and I'm sure you have a list of your own. Fortunately, when these things occur, I have an outlet through writing. I just sit down at the keyboard and write, and I can assure you, in my story, someone is going to die!

Have some pet peeves to share? Comments are always welcome!

Liking, Sharing, Tagging and Reviewing

Readers like to support authors they like and other than buying their books, they may not really know what else to do to show that support. I found a great video tutorial on a fellow author's blog the other day that explains how to like, share, tag and post reviews of your favorite books on Amazon. The post is dated in September of 2011, but I just ran across it and wanted to share it with you.

I can't begin to tell you how important these things are to authors. Please take a few minutes to watch this short video tutorial that Michael Hicks shares on his blog. Here's the link to  Michael Hick's Blog and while you're there, browse around his website and check out his books. I found his website very informative and interesting!

Thank you, Michael for sharing this important information.

For more information on me and my books, please visit my website: Robert's Novels

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My second novel, Souls of the Desert, is published! If you like mysteries, you should read it so you can find out if Mark Sanborn ever finds out what happened to Iris Blue.